The Grass Is Always Greener on the Other Side

I really can't wait for college. I don't know what is so significant or special about college that I am so excited for. Maybe it is because of the freedom or the self control, or maybe it is because I can live in America, or maybe it is because I can study the things I like, or maybe it is just because I can finally stop this whole tiring applying for college process. But like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe when I become a college student I will start missing being a high school student. I just can't wait to know which college will I be studying at, will the food be good, will the professors be good, will the students be nice, and will I be able to study abroad. I am so scared that I will not be able to study abroad in Europe when I am in college since it has been my dream since forever.

Bali

          I am going to Bali tomorrow. This will be my only vacation this summer. Since I am going to be a senior next year, there are a lot of things to prepare this summer including SATs, essays, and other tests. But I think I have worked hard enough for this break. I believe that this process of applying to universities is like a really really long run. If you don't have a break between you will get too tired and you get bored when you are closer to the goal. After this break there will be so many different things that I need to take care with. It will be a war with more and more conflicts in between. First essays then Tofel then SAT then subject test then more essays and more SAT. So I kind of like the idea of going of going to a deserted island for a few days to rest and throw away all the stress and pressure and work just for those few days and enjoy my life for a while. It is like a pat in the back. It is a reward. I really hate the idea of using the future to escape the present so once in a while I need things to remind myself that I am almost there, that I like what I am doing, and that I am not using the future to escape the present but using the present to prepare for the future. Some people say you gotta study hard in highschool, study hard in university, study hard in grad school, and then work hard at your work. Some people say you should drop everything you don't like to do and go do whatever your heart says. And the key point is the balance. But at the same time, isn't balance the key point of everything? We never like extremes. But when you lose your balance, you ruin everything. It is like walking on a rope 30 ft above ground. You have to watch your balance, watch where you are going, or else you will find yourself falling and falling and falling. This is a really random journal but oh well.

Horse back riding

Well, I haven't written a journal for a pretty long time. I am not really the type of person who records down what happens everyday.
Yesterday I went horse back riding after a two-years break. I started horse-back riding in third grade. I remember I was a really tiny girl and the coach would always have to carry me on the horse because I can't reach it by myself. Horse back riding has always been an activity I love. Because when I am on the horse it seems like the world around me changes. I am no longer the useless little girl who can't do anything. Because being good at riding horses doesn't require a certain age or a certain height. I remember my couch would always encourage me and say that I am the most talented girl he has ever met, whether he was lying or he was being honest, I really didn't care. I just know riding horses make me happy. With the wind blowing through my hair I can clear my thought and think of anything. And for an hour I finally didn't have anyone telling me what to do. I was the one in control.
I also remember in 8th grade my coach told my mom that I can start to practice jumping obstacles. I still remember the terrified and hesitant face my mom had. I told my couch that I was totally into it. He smiled and patted my head and said, "Of course you are." So I started and I went to competitions and got awards that I have always dreamed of. I remember people would always point at me and say, "Are you sure that little girl won't fall down?" or "Are you sure that little girl can compete in this obstacle course?" or comments like, "This isn't a game you know. It is very dangerous." But I really didn't let those questions or comments stop me from doing what I love.
However, in my sophomore year, I stopped horse-back riding. Whether it was because I was just way too busy for it or it was because I got too scared in a competition I just attended where I almost fell down, I don't know or I don't remember. I just know it was a decision I regret even until now.
So I decided that I will go back and do what I love. As people always say, "If it is important to you, you will always find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse." So after two years, I am finally back. And this time I won't let anything or anyone stop me again.